Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Doing good...Gained 0.4.



Doing well; gained 0.4 lbs. this past week. Glad the gain was so little. Went out to eat with my son; it was nice to see him. We had bbq. Those ribs and wings were tasty.
Trying to stay positive despite the divorce; it can be hard especially when I see old pictures on Facebook. Those pictures remind me of how things use to be. A bygone era I guess. I miss what I have lost. I miss being a family. I miss having someone by me in bed. I miss having someone there for me. I miss being able to depend on someone. I miss someone being there when I get home. I miss having a loved one. I miss having someone who understands me. I miss having an ally. 

Now it is just me and my cat Roger. I love Roger he is a great cat but he is no replacement for what I have lost. I don't know if I will ever replace my ex-wife. I don't know if I will ever heal this hole in my heart. I have lost so much. I spent 18 years working on a relationship that ended in divorce. The good thing is that I have raised my son and he is ready to go off to college. The sad thing is that I spent so much time in a relationship that failed. That is what I feel like; a failure.

I tell myself that it is not realistic to think your marriage will last until death. That it is much more realistic that your relationship will end in divorce. I tell myself that it is natural for divorce to happen. That does not mean I am a failure. But that my relationship has just come to an end.

I try and remain positive but I find important to talk about my feelings. To express how I feel; which is why this blog is so important to me. You have to talk about how you feel. That is one way to deal with your feelings; to express them. Writing is a great way to do just that. I have started writing numerous books; on various subjects. I don’t know if I will ever publish them. But I love writing. It is a good hobby for me. 

Picking up a new hobby is a good way to deal with divorce. You want to do something that you enjoy. You want to keep yourself busy. You don’t want to dote on how you feel too much. You want to enjoy life as much as you can. It will help you deal with the natural depression. 

Of course, if you are depressed you should seek professional help. With the right help and medication, you can battle depression and fight back its advances into your life. With the right help and medication; staying positive can keep you on an even keel and keep you enjoying your life. The point is to be positive and not let the negative perspective of depression overwhelm you. I am writing a whole book about battling depression.

That is what I do now. I pick a subject that I have something to say about or experience with and I start a book on it. It is fun to do and I enjoy writing. No idea if it will go anywhere. 

So pick up that new hobby even if you are not going thru a divorce. Hobbies add spice to life; especially if you are an adult with a career. Jobs only bring so much satisfaction and most of us are stuck doing something we can tolerate for money. There are very few people who get to do their dream job. So pick up a new hobby or reinvest in that hobby you already have. You will have a much happier life if you do. 

Well, thanks for reading. Have a good week!

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Lost 7 lbs.



I lost 7 lbs. this past week and I am once again halfway to my goal weight; back where I was before Christmas break. This extra exercise I am getting in the gym is making the difference. I have started going to the gym during work. I show up an hour early and go the gym during the work day when no one is there. It seems to work out well. 

I have been eating a lot of Mexican food which is not low calorie. But I try and control the portions of Mexican food I have. That seems to work well. Even though I am having high calorie food it is in the proper portions so that I can lose weight. Tracking my food and exercise continues to be essential. 

The divorce is tough. I get sad sometimes considering all that I have lost. But then I remember that my old marriage was lost long ago; that it is just coming to a natural end. A good end from what I can tell. No one is screaming at each other; everyone is civil and helping each other out. My ex-wife continues to struggle financially so I am increasing her alimony. Hopefully with Atticus going to college in August her bills will go down and she will be better off financially. I don’t want her to struggle. I know she is not my wife anymore but I still care for her and want to see her do well.

Roger my cat is doing well. He loves pets and sleeps with me when he doesn’t see me enough. He likes being in the way and eating crap off the floor. He also wants to be in my lap all the time. Breakfast usually consists of me pulling out his claws in me has he stretches out his claws and knead me to get pets. He is a real lover with not too many bad points; typical cat stuff. He has not started scratching wood; knock on wood. That would be a deal breaker. I got him from a cat lady that runs a non for profit cat shelter. That way if he does not work out I can take him back and get a different cat. But so far he is working out great. 

Went and saw my counselor yesterday. I see him every six weeks or so. He is like a release valve for my emotions. It is nice to have someone to talk to about stuff. I think it is important to have someone to help keep me balanced; especially now that I am on my own. 

Work continues to be boring. It has taken 3 months for them to get to the stage that they are working on the computer I need to do my job. It still has to go to six different groups before they give it to me. For now I am going to the lab. I went yesterday and it was not too bad. Not as nice as having a desk to sit at but it works. My work is interesting and I enjoy it. The rest of the stuff I could do without but it comes with the job. All I can say is that you take the good with the bad. For now the good outweighs the bad. In 3 years when I hit the 10 year mark I will reevaluate. That’s when my student loans will be forgiven for working for the government. 

Overall things are going well. Can’t complain and even if I did it would do no good. Getting on with my life and making the most of it. Thanks for reading! I hope you are well and I wish you a happy new year.