Thursday, January 19, 2017

Lost 7 lbs.

I lost 7 lbs. this past week and I am once again halfway to my goal weight; back where I was before Christmas break. This extra exercise I am getting in the gym is making the difference. I have started going to the gym during work. I show up an hour early and go the gym during the work day when no one is there. It seems to work out well. 

I have been eating a lot of Mexican food which is not low calorie. But I try and control the portions of Mexican food I have. That seems to work well. Even though I am having high calorie food it is in the proper portions so that I can lose weight. Tracking my food and exercise continues to be essential. 

The divorce is tough. I get sad sometimes considering all that I have lost. But then I remember that my old marriage was lost long ago; that it is just coming to a natural end. A good end from what I can tell. No one is screaming at each other; everyone is civil and helping each other out. My ex-wife continues to struggle financially so I am increasing her alimony. Hopefully with Atticus going to college in August her bills will go down and she will be better off financially. I don’t want her to struggle. I know she is not my wife anymore but I still care for her and want to see her do well.

Roger my cat is doing well. He loves pets and sleeps with me when he doesn’t see me enough. He likes being in the way and eating crap off the floor. He also wants to be in my lap all the time. Breakfast usually consists of me pulling out his claws in me has he stretches out his claws and knead me to get pets. He is a real lover with not too many bad points; typical cat stuff. He has not started scratching wood; knock on wood. That would be a deal breaker. I got him from a cat lady that runs a non for profit cat shelter. That way if he does not work out I can take him back and get a different cat. But so far he is working out great. 

Went and saw my counselor yesterday. I see him every six weeks or so. He is like a release valve for my emotions. It is nice to have someone to talk to about stuff. I think it is important to have someone to help keep me balanced; especially now that I am on my own. 

Work continues to be boring. It has taken 3 months for them to get to the stage that they are working on the computer I need to do my job. It still has to go to six different groups before they give it to me. For now I am going to the lab. I went yesterday and it was not too bad. Not as nice as having a desk to sit at but it works. My work is interesting and I enjoy it. The rest of the stuff I could do without but it comes with the job. All I can say is that you take the good with the bad. For now the good outweighs the bad. In 3 years when I hit the 10 year mark I will reevaluate. That’s when my student loans will be forgiven for working for the government. 

Overall things are going well. Can’t complain and even if I did it would do no good. Getting on with my life and making the most of it. Thanks for reading! I hope you are well and I wish you a happy new year.

Friday, January 6, 2017

Doing good…

Doing good in 2017; made a bunch of good changes. Got a new Kia Soul. Took out a personal loan to consolidate some credit card debt and buy a few new things like a new cell phone and computer. Over all things are going well. It makes me nervous to take out these loans. But I am being very conservative with the loans I take. I have to say I have a better handle on my finances than ever before. 

Weight loss is going well. I am doing well. Burning like a thousand calories a day when I get to exercise and desk cycle. Hoping that makes the difference and I can lose weight on a regular basis like I did in 2016. Going to my first TOPS meeting with my new chapter this coming Monday; looking forward to it. I hope I like them as much as I liked my last group. TOPS is defiantly at the core of my weight loss strategy. 

Got a new cat; Roger. He is a big lover and loves pets. I spend at least 5 minutes or more just petting him when I get home and wake up. He love to snuggle and doesn’t seem to mind being on his own. My awesome landlords brought over a big old cat tree. I think I came out ahead with this cat tree and cat toys. I love my landlords; they are so supportive and good people. They meet Roger and got to pet him; which is good. When I first got Roger home he hid because he was scared. But he seems to adjusting well. I got him a bunch of cat toys. But he does not seem to be into them. He loves pets and being in my way when I am trying walk around the house. His only bad habit is to eat crap off the floor. But every cat I have ever had did that. 

Over all it is going well. It is hard sometimes to not be sad about getting divorced. But in every regard divorce has been a good thing. I am happier and more physically and financially capable then I have ever been. I am getting healthier and more capable every day. When a year rolls around I will be ready to date someone new and start my romantic life over again without any fall out from my old marriage. 

So I am doing good. Being healthier and happier then I have ever been before. Thanks for reading. I hope you are well. Have a happy 2017!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Connection is what we need...

The family Christmas trip is going well. I have spent my time with the Baskett's. It always take me a while to connect with them. But when I do its like plugging into a light socket. Part of that is my bipolar. I go into manic phases when I get really excited about stuff. And truly connecting with people is really exciting. You feel like you are finally being nourished when you have been starved all year. At least that is how feel. I don't have a lot of friends and I can't really have in-depth political and societal discussions without pissing someone off. Part of why I blog. Is so I can express myself and I feel like someone is listening. The hard part is that I do not get very much feedback. My blog is not very popular. Which is a good and bad thing. I don't have feedback and people reading which is sad. But at the same time I am not offending my loved ones and friends.

Now I am in Tucson visiting my mom. She is doing well. Still trying to adjust to being jobless. Trying to find alternate methods of getting income. My tour of Tucson has been visiting my favorite restaurants; Magpies, Eegees, Sushi Ten, In and Out, Los Betos, and Pollo Feliz. As you can see food is a major part of my Christmas vacation. Part of why I take a break over Christmas and New Years. The healthy eating and exercise can take a break for the holidays. That way I rest up and enjoy my holidays.

Thanks for reading my blog. I hope your well. Take care and have a great new years!

Monday, December 19, 2016

You can be good people and not be good together…

I am starting to realize that my ex-wife and I were not good together. My divorce has been a very freeing experience and I am much happier as a person because of it. I love my ex-wife. She is a great person but we were not great together. We had a very toxic relationship. It had gradually turned that way over the years.

When we started out I was 18. I was a completely different person. In a marriage you can either grow together or grow apart and my ex-wife and I grew apart. When it was all said and done we were radically different then when we started.

I wish my ex-wife the best. I hope she finds happiness. Just like I hope I find happiness. We both deserve a better relationship they what we were able to make together. We tried our best but sometimes that is not enough and your relationship comes to an end.

We really need to change our narrative on divorce in our society. In reality it can be a very good thing. As Louie CK says, “No good marriage ends in divorce.” Those are important words to remember. When divorce happens it signifies the end of an often toxic relationship. Divorce can be a very liberating and healing time or it can be very toxic and damaging. It all depends on what you want to make of it. I am lucky my ex-wife and I are dedicated to making this a transition of healing. We have a son to care for and we can’t take care of him if we are at each other’s throats.

My ex-wife is the one that wanted the divorce. When she told me my first reaction was sadness and not being able to understand why she wanted to “give up” on our marriage. Now that I am out of it; I can see how much happier we both are. I can see how much better my relationship with my son is. I can see how each and every aspect of my life has gotten better. In reality our healthy marriage was long ago dead and buried and a toxic one had taken its place. She was right; it was time to move on, to get on with our lives.

At the end of the day we are all much happier than when we started and isn’t that a good sign you are on the right track. We as a society need to acknowledge that divorce can and is often a good thing. That all things including marriages come to an end and that is okay. It is okay to bring to an end a toxic relationship. It is okay to try and be as happy as you can and that can mean you strive for happiness on your own.

I hope your all well and thanks for reading!

Taking a break…

It is officially the holiday season. With that I am going to take a break from my weight loss journey. Sure I am going to gain weight. But I can’t spend all year in this bitter struggle. I have to take some kind of a break. I have to stop to enjoy the holidays and for me that still means over eating and eating in the wrong portions. I am not able to reprogram myself. I can only refrain from eating in the wrong portions most of the time. Still even then I fail sometimes. But I keep up the good fight and preserve.

Now is time for a break. I have worked hard all year and I have lost 52 lbs. Time to celebrate and unwind, time to take a much needed rest from all the hard work of weight loss, and time to celebrate the holiday season. We work hard all year that way we have something to celebrate so now is a good time to relax and enjoy ourselves. We can get back at it after the beginning of the year.

I hope everyone is well and had a good year. I had a pretty good year despite Trump being elected to office. It has been a year of ups and downs. I broke 400 this year; which is a great achievement! But I was only able to hold onto that for a short while. And with the holiday season upon us I am sure to be over 400 in the beginning of this new year. But that is for the new year. An new time to pick up the mantle of weight loss and struggle anew; a mantle that should be taken up after a nice period of rest during the holiday season.

So I wish everyone a happy holidays and hope everyone is well. Take care of yourself and get the rest you need to take up the mantle of weight loss once again in the new year. Have a fun and restful holiday season and thanks for reading. 

Thursday, December 15, 2016

sigh...back at 400

I am back at 400 lbs. I have yo-yoing the past few weeks. I was hoping to stay under 400 lbs. I need something to push me over the edge and I think I have it. Lately I have started going to the gym. We have a really nice gym here on base. I started with a little cardio and weight lifting. But I got dizzy toward the end of that workout. I think I was doing too much too soon. So I am going to just focus on cardio. I am going to a start at 20 minutes and work my way up. Eventually I would like to be able to do an hour of cardio.

Going to the gym is going to save me a ton of money. I was going to buy a rowing machine for home and Xbox 360 with a fitness game. But I can save my money and just go to the gym. It’s free I might as well take advantage of it!

I am turning 39. It is nice to know that I still have a few tricks up my sleeve. It’s nice to know that I getting better at weight loss. It’s nice to know that I can still improve; that there is still room to grow.
My TOPS chapter has closed and I have to find a new one. But I have found one down the road at Oak Grove. It is only 30 min. away. They don’t have a scale that goes up to 500 lbs. So I am buying one that does and donating it. Since it will be the holiday season and I am already 400 lbs. I expect to go up and not down in weight. Don’t get me wrong it would be great if I lost weight. But I am realistic and I know that all the holiday eating will add up.

Well I am doing well despite being in the middle of a divorce and struggling with my weight. Things are going well. I am learning new tricks and I am continuing to improve at life. After all what else could I ask for?

Thanks for reading. I appreciate your time. Take care and have a great holiday season!